"Into the Quiet" 12x48, Oil on Canvas
Getting some works done for the show in January at Mary Tomas Gallery. The show will be called, "Into the Quiet." I love that inspiration to create into.
Lately I've been reading a book called, The Table of Inwardness by Calvin Miller. I really needed to read this. It has helped me over the past weeks to get silent before God and let Him in. To confess to you I just need to do it more often. Regularly. I find myself always needing music on (and I mostly love instrumental stuff) but even that isn't truly being silent. I think I'm realizing that part of prayer isn't just talking TO God but actually listening BEFORE God.
These past weeks and months have literally been some of the most stressful of the year. Some of it is good stress some of it has to do with being a Mom and just watching your kid get hurt by other kids. At some point along the way I figured out that I am helpless. Truly helpless to stop the world. Duh. The only thing I can do it talk to God about it and then listen to Him as He shapes me, my daughter, and the world around me.
I laid in the bed with my daughter last night as she cried herself to sleep. There is no pain like hearing your kid say, "Why don't they like me Mom?" As if something were wrong with her. My heart breaking in a million places but I also know that God loves her. Fiercely and with all that He is. I hold onto that as I pray with her for friends. I tell her that she is loved by her family and by God but right now her world is school and I pray God will provide in that place too.
I find my heart longs for quiet as I would long for beauty. I need it. I find it teaches me to wait. Hold out my fears and hopes and remember I'm the weak one. He's creating something in that place that is beautiful in the pain. For me. For my daughter.