Thursday, May 19, 2011

Surgery Again

Sorry I don't have any new pieces to show you all right now.  I just had surgery on my ankle this past friday.  I had some bone spurs that cut through some tendons and had to have some repair surgery as well as removal of the spurs.  I will be honest and say I've been a bit down lately.  I know, I know, it's just an ankle.  I think it has to do with the fact that I'm normally a pretty active person and I'm having to use crutches to get around to the bathroom or to eat or to even read a book to my daughters.  It's frustrating in that something that normally takes just a few minutes is taking me a long time.  I've even noticed it annoying that I can't hold anything in my hand to carry like a cup of coffee or a towel to dry my hair because of the crutches.

So all that whining to say I'm learning a lot about sitting still and knowing that God is God and I am not.  It's been good in some ways to wake up to the life that is going on around me all the time yet I don't slow down long enough to really see it.  I've had to ask for help (again) from friends and family and felt the guilt that goes with being a burden on others.  Yet, I also see how Jesus is showing His love for me in their tender care and meals for our family.  It really comes down to a choice: Do I believe God is here with me or waiting to catch me later when I am in a better mood?

I noticed this back in December when I had the hysterectomy.  I had weeks where I just didn't feel like doing anything and my legs were working just fine.  My body was adjusting to all the changes and my brain was trying to figure it all out.  I started to see my life in a new way not just the cooking, cleaning, jogging, blogging, painting, meeting Dawn but the sitting and breathing and really looking at life Dawn.  I saw some neat things like the way braiding hair can lead to a good conversation with my daughter.  I saw how giggling over a Veggie Tales video WITH my kids meant a lot to them.  I saw the sunshine as a delicious gift and my husband as a sweet mercy from God.

Now I'm kinda laying flat again and my brain is trying figure it all out.  I don't know why but for me pain is really one of the greatest ways I see God in my life.  Pain and Mercy.  I've had friends, my sister and now my Mother-in-law come by these past few days and really show me Jesus.  Not just the scripture and the reminder that HE is near but the Jesus who would DO things for you and cheer your heart in the truth.

Our Pastor spoke on Ruth this past Sunday.  It really is a mini-Job story isn't it?  Naomi loses everything when she had so much.  The one thing I noticed about the story that I never did before was that Ruth would not leave her in her despair and darkness.  "She clung to her" the scripture says.  She was Jesus for Naomi.  It reminds me how if I slow down my life God can allow me to be Jesus for people right here and right now with the way I treat my kids, my husband or even those on Facebook.  It also reminds me how there are those doing that for ME right now.  They are walking it with me.

"Be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live.  Teach them to your children and to their children after them."  Deuteronomy 4:9 

1 comment:

  1. beautiful dawn. these times are precious, and i'm so glad that you see the good through it all. hugs!